[It has been quite a week. There are new arrivals arrived this month. But what is particular is that some of them came from their world. While it's another day to find work and getting by with what they have, making ends meet with limited resources.
Lan Zhan usually never speaks unless there's an important matter to discuss.]
Wei Ying. This is important. People from our world are now here. Xiao Xingchen, Nie Huaisang, Xue Yang...I saw them.
Huaisang isn't thrilled about having to come to the Down. So dirty! So ugly! What if he gets mud on his robes??
But he needs to be here for his friend, and after Xue Yang all but outed him on the network--or, at least, brought the situation to a point where Huaisang felt that he needed to interfere for all their sakes--he's obligated to offer a certain amount of honesty.
So he turns up at his friend's apartment, trying not to grimace too much at the overall situation. "I'll contract you, Wei-xiong. This is awful." This wasn't the topic at hand, but Huaisang's encountered higher priorities along the way. "Do you even have alcohol?" Please have alcohol. He wants alcohol.
The apartment isn't the cleanest, but it's also not a mess. Wuxian has an apartment to himself for now, if only because no roommate has been assigned to him as of yet. The bed that such a person would occupy currently holds trinkets Wuxian has picked up from the market -- a lot of them claim to have magical powers. While he knows most are scams, he doesn't yet know enough about this world to assume none of them have promise.
"And I do have alcohol."
Turning around, he reaches beside the bed and pulls out a bottle.
"Ahhh... I usually just drink from the bottle, but we can still share."
They'd kissed, after all. Too late for modesty now.
Huaisang takes a swig without hesitation. It's not as good as what he's been drinking in the Up, but it didn't occur to him to bring a gift, since he'd come straight here. He'll remedy that on future visits.
Sitting on the end of the bed, Huaisang pouts up at his friend. "Wei-xiong, he was the first person I encountered in this place. I didn't know anyone else was here. I was so frightened. Of him, of this place."
He drinks again. Hugs the bottle to his chest. "He persuaded me to go back to his apartment. I knew it was stupid. I berated myself the whole way there. But I was lonely and he is... very handsome."
A shy, sweet smile appears on Huaisang's lips. "He was so gentle with me, Wei-xiong. He was sweet and generous. I started off terrified." He shakes his head and shudders. "I haven't forgotten what we saw in that courtyard. I know... I know I didn't see the worst of it. The rest of you protected me from it. I can only imagine."
Offering the bottle, Huaisang sucks nervously on his lower lip. "I know how dangerous he is. But yes, I will vouch for him, at least on this point. When he wants to be, he is a very generous lover."
"What are we talking about if not me having sex with Xue Yang?" Huaisang asks, then blushes and ducks his head because of how it sounds. "Wei-xiong."
He's embarrassed because he thought this conversation would go differently--he's not sure how he expected it to go--and now he's not sure how to explain himself or what he wants. Keeping his eyes shyly lowered, he plays with the strands of hair that fall beside his face. "I want to see him again. He made me feel... special. Precious."
Letting his hands drop, Wuxian steps back, a frown on his face. Xue Yang is dangerous. It's impossible for him to forget the clan that had fallen at the man's feet. What happens if Huaisang makes him angry? If they get into a fight?
What can he do? It's not as if he can make it stop, no matter how worried he might be about his friends. Huaisang knows Xue Yang is a mass murderer, and he's made the choice anyway.
Crossing his arms, Wuxian blows at a strand of hair hanging near his face.
"Wei-xiong." Huaisang's shoulders hunch forward, eyes lowered, because the only defense he can think of is likely to hurt. "You're my best friend, and you've scared me many times. I know I wasn't there at Nightless City, or at Burial Mounds, but if even a tenth of the things they say you did are true..."
Huaisang knows his friend. He knows how honorable and kind he can be, but he also knows how self-involved and harshly logical he can be. Most of the ridiculous reports Huaisang rejects out of hand. Others, he hesitates over. Some, he believes to be true.
"You're dangerous, but you're also loyal. I trust you. Sometimes..." Huaisang sighs and wrinkles his nose, finally looking up at his friend. "Sometimes I've gotta make friends with two of the scariest people in the cultivation world, I guess. I'll let him know that if he hurts me, the Yiling Patriarch is coming for him."
It's not a line of explanation he plans to hear. Wuxian knows he's made mistakes, but he also knows he rarely did the first strike. At least, not in the more serious fights. Xue Yang slaughtered so many innocents.
Does Huaisang really see them as the same? Wuxian has been able to shake off most of the negative opinions, even if he doesn't particularly like them. That said, to know his friend, once one of his closest, compared him to a man Wuxian finds to be without morals ((which is the only side Wuxian has ever seen)) is a shock.
Huaisang frowns, feeling guilty and apologetic. He curls into himself, wishing he hadn't started any of this. It would be better if he never said anything, never spoke to anyone, if he hadn't been tempted by Xue Yang, if he hadn't spoken up for Xue Yang. He just wants to wipe it all away.
Shaking his head, he gives Wuxian a weak smile. "It's nothing, Wei-xiong," he says, voice shaky. "I don't know what I'm talking about. You get a little intimidating sometimes, that all. It's not the same."
He rises, eyes lowered as he takes a step toward the door. Maybe Wuxian will just let him leave and Huaisang can somehow manage to erase all of this.
Wuxian considers Huaisang a kind person as well so he assumed Huaisang had understood why Wuxian had to go rogue, but if he really sees him like he sees Xue Yang, maybe he was wrong.
"If I didn't stand up to everyone else, they would have continued to hurt people who couldn't defend themselves. I only wanted to defend the people who deserved to be defended. I don't think you would have disagreed. You were never my enemy."
He doesn't believe Huaisang really changed his mind in that moment so much as he's wanting the topic to drop.
Huaisang does not want to be having this conversation. But he also fears that if he tries to placate too much, if he insists you're right, you're right, please forget it, he will lose the friendship. Wuxian needs to be able to trust him, and he won't if Huaisang outright lies to him in order to dismiss this conversation.
Drawing out his fan, Huaisang clenches his hands around it. He will not meet Wuxian's eyes. "You... killed thousands of cultivators at Nightless City. And the Wens in the Sunshot Campaign. I heard that you tortured Wen Chao to death. And his girlfriend. They say that at Nightless City, a teenager shot an arrow at you and you caught it and killed him with it. I know there are reasons for all those things. It's still terrifying."
"Should I have waited for their attack on me? Should I have let the arrow strike? Even when I wanted nothing more to be left alone, I wasn't allowed that. Do you think they would have stopped until I was dead?"
He regrets it came to that. He regrets the Wens had to die, that they couldn't have just finished their life in peace. If he could have gone back, no matter how excited he'd been to see his nephew, he would have sent his love to his sister instead. It isn't his fault he'd been ambushed, but that doesn't change the outcome. He'd lost everybody, everything he'd loved.
The Sunshot Campaign had been a war. The most respected of Cultivators were there, fighting alongside him.
As for Wen Chao, while it's true he needed to die, it's also true that revenge had been a huge motivator. After seeing his sect attacked and having them die, after seeing the man he considered a brother suffering so much, after losing his own Golden Core so that his brother could live again, after being grabbed and tortured while they laughed at him, after being forced to survive in a place no one had survived, Wuxian hated them.
Even after that, he protected the Wen sect members that were innocent. Xue Yang spared no one.
"You say you know I have my reasons, but that it's still terrifying."
This had been his fear when they had first met in the room, that Huiasang not understand. Most of the world didn't, most of them tried to paint him as a monster. When he'd greeted him normally, Wuxian assumed his fear was without reason. Maybe that's why he's arguing now: it had felt good to have someone else understand.
Huaisang clutches tight to his fan, brow furrowed with misery. This has all gone so poorly, and the balance between pacifying and honesty isn't working out for him. He keeps his mouth shut as he listens, throat bobbing and lips quivering with the threat of impending tears. "Wei-xiong," he says, weakly. He swallows heavily, licks his lips, tries again. "Wei-xiong, I'm trying to tell you how I feel. I don't want to debate with you. I know I'll lose. Please don't... please don't debate my feelings."
Sniffling once, Huaisang takes a shaky breath, trying valiantly to hold back tears. "This isn't about the reasons. I'm in no place to offer judgement or forgiveness for either of you. Being able to torture someone to death for whatever reason, however valid, is terrifying. If I..." He swallows again. Shaking badly, he just goes ahead and drops to his knees where he's standing, because he feels like he's going to collapse. He still will not meet his friend's eyes. "If I..." He knows he can't say this without revealing at least some of his hand. Wuxian comes from earlier. He's only just begun solving the puzzle. Huaisang would prefer to let him solve it himself, sot hat Huaisang can stay hidden in the shadows, but this place has already forced Huaisang into greater boldness. He's not going to put great effort into protecting the very secrets he wants Wuxian to discover. "If I had my brother's murderer in a cell of the Nie dungeons... yes. I think I would torture him to death. Perhaps over the course of years. That terrifies me, too. To know myself capable of such a thing."
Sighing, Wuxian drops to his knees and reaches out his hands to rest on Huaisang's shoulders. A lot of people hate him now. A lot of people fear him now. In the city, he got a second chance, but everybody who had mattered to him is now dead or holds some kind of negative feeling toward him, be it terror or rage. When he saved the Wens, he'd foolishly thought he'd eventually be allowed peace, but that was foolish optimism.
That's why Lan Zhan's feelings mean so much. He alone seems to understand the heart that was behind it all.
But Huaisang still speaks with him. That's more than some. Wuxian will need to absorb the blow and accept things as they are. Huaisang is afraid of him. Probably, he won't always be. Also, even more probable, he's probably not scared of him more than he is scared of him. He'd come to his apartment today.
The same is true for Xue Yang, Wuxian supposes, but he'd come here to explain because he doesn't want that relationship to interfere with their friendship. It's not as if he couldn't have said it wasn't any of his business and shrugged him off. If anything, Huaisang has more power in this city. Even now, while saying he's terrified, he seems more terrified of Wuxian not understanding.
Wuxian doesn't understand. Even now, he doesn't see himself the same way he sees Xue Yang. That said, he isn't going to hate his friend for that choice. Huaisang isn't going to encourage the man to murder.
While not missing the comment about his brother, Wuxian doesn't think now is the time to explore that line of questioning. Instead, he smiles.
"It's okay, it's okay. Come on, stand up. We both might have things to pray about, but our ancestors wouldn't want to hear from us from here."
Shifting his hold, Wuxian puts an arm around Huaisang's shoulders to help him up.
Huaisang lets himself be coaxed to his feet. He hugs his arms around Wuxian's waist once they're both up, tucking his head against his friend's shoulder. "Please don't be angry with me, Wei-xiong."
He still regrets the entire topic. For Huaisang, love and fear are not exclusive things, but he doesn't know how to explain that. He has never feared anyone more than Mingjue, especially as the leash on his brother's temper became more tenuous, but he has never loved anyone as fiercely.
His relationship with Wuxian is something else, something alike only to itself, and his relationship with Xue Yang also. It's too new for him to be certain of anything but that Xue Yang charmed him and showed him more than enough sweetness to ensure that Huaisang craved his company.
Likely, that's where their disconnect comes from. Wuxian isn't afraid of much, and when he is, it's because it will bring him pain he isn't sure how to handle. The dogs that chased him as a small child are seen as monsters who would tear him to bits, and losing the people he loves is a blow he recovers from slowly, if he recovers from at all. Even death was something he'd welcomed when it came.
Perhaps Yu Ziyuan counts in that he feared her, but he didn't hate her. However, he also knew she would hurt him given the chance. Not that he blames her for the whipping, but.
"What kind of decision would that be?"
Wuxian offers a pat on the back. He really didn't want to make Huasaing sad. Likewise, he knows his friend hadn't meant it as an attack when he admitted his fear. It's painful, but that hadn't been Huasaing's intention. That helps.
"I still question your taste in men, but I won't be angry as long as you don't let yourself be corrupted."
He won't. Wuxian believes in him which is why he's more worried for Huaisang than about Huaisang.
"Be sure to remind him that a mark or collar won't be enough to assure I get revenge if he does something wrong."
Submissive or no, rules are more like suggestions to Wuxian.
"I know. I think he knows but I'll warn him anyway." Huaisang lifts his head with a shy grin, hopeful that they're back on the same page again and that Wuxian really isn't angry at him. "Also you might have to be more specific about me being corrupted, because I'm already very kinky."
Kissing his friend's cheek, he pulls away. "Are you allowed in the Up if you're escorted? I'll take you for drinks."
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darkpath
text
Lan Zhan usually never speaks unless there's an important matter to discuss.]
Wei Ying. This is important. People from our world are now here. Xiao Xingchen, Nie Huaisang, Xue Yang...I saw them.
Have you seen them too?
text
*chin hands*
[ He's learned to use words for actions now, too. ]
Even more strange, they all remember different things.
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It's unfortunate they are here. But I think they could help us. We have to meet up with them.
It just proves whoever brought us here, they can bring in anyone from different time and place.
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[ To be fair, Xue Yang is also fun, but he's evil and Wuxian is stubborn. ]
We can get them to invite us over. They get to be in the Up.
After Xue Yang's delightful network post
But he needs to be here for his friend, and after Xue Yang all but outed him on the network--or, at least, brought the situation to a point where Huaisang felt that he needed to interfere for all their sakes--he's obligated to offer a certain amount of honesty.
So he turns up at his friend's apartment, trying not to grimace too much at the overall situation. "I'll contract you, Wei-xiong. This is awful." This wasn't the topic at hand, but Huaisang's encountered higher priorities along the way. "Do you even have alcohol?" Please have alcohol. He wants alcohol.
action;
His last bedroom was a cave, after all.
The apartment isn't the cleanest, but it's also not a mess. Wuxian has an apartment to himself for now, if only because no roommate has been assigned to him as of yet. The bed that such a person would occupy currently holds trinkets Wuxian has picked up from the market -- a lot of them claim to have magical powers. While he knows most are scams, he doesn't yet know enough about this world to assume none of them have promise.
"And I do have alcohol."
Turning around, he reaches beside the bed and pulls out a bottle.
"Ahhh... I usually just drink from the bottle, but we can still share."
They'd kissed, after all. Too late for modesty now.
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Sitting on the end of the bed, Huaisang pouts up at his friend. "Wei-xiong, he was the first person I encountered in this place. I didn't know anyone else was here. I was so frightened. Of him, of this place."
He drinks again. Hugs the bottle to his chest. "He persuaded me to go back to his apartment. I knew it was stupid. I berated myself the whole way there. But I was lonely and he is... very handsome."
A shy, sweet smile appears on Huaisang's lips. "He was so gentle with me, Wei-xiong. He was sweet and generous. I started off terrified." He shakes his head and shudders. "I haven't forgotten what we saw in that courtyard. I know... I know I didn't see the worst of it. The rest of you protected me from it. I can only imagine."
Offering the bottle, Huaisang sucks nervously on his lower lip. "I know how dangerous he is. But yes, I will vouch for him, at least on this point. When he wants to be, he is a very generous lover."
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Wuxian pouts slightly. Xue Yang isn't the worst looking person in the world (not at all), but that's beside the point. He's a murderer.
Inhaling, his hands reach out to rest on either side of Huaisang's arms, looking him seriously in the eyes.
"You're not alone anymore. You have me and Lan here, now. You don't have to be with somebody who scares you."
He tries a smile, hoping it will help. His friend doesn't need to be pressured into sex.
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He's embarrassed because he thought this conversation would go differently--he's not sure how he expected it to go--and now he's not sure how to explain himself or what he wants. Keeping his eyes shyly lowered, he plays with the strands of hair that fall beside his face. "I want to see him again. He made me feel... special. Precious."
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What can he do? It's not as if he can make it stop, no matter how worried he might be about his friends. Huaisang knows Xue Yang is a mass murderer, and he's made the choice anyway.
Crossing his arms, Wuxian blows at a strand of hair hanging near his face.
"Even if he's dangerous?"
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Huaisang knows his friend. He knows how honorable and kind he can be, but he also knows how self-involved and harshly logical he can be. Most of the ridiculous reports Huaisang rejects out of hand. Others, he hesitates over. Some, he believes to be true.
"You're dangerous, but you're also loyal. I trust you. Sometimes..." Huaisang sighs and wrinkles his nose, finally looking up at his friend. "Sometimes I've gotta make friends with two of the scariest people in the cultivation world, I guess. I'll let him know that if he hurts me, the Yiling Patriarch is coming for him."
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Does Huaisang really see them as the same? Wuxian has been able to shake off most of the negative opinions, even if he doesn't particularly like them. That said, to know his friend, once one of his closest, compared him to a man Wuxian finds to be without morals ((which is the only side Wuxian has ever seen)) is a shock.
He points to himself.
"Me? What did I scare you?"
wrote out a real answer and then huaisang was like OR we could never confront anything ever
Shaking his head, he gives Wuxian a weak smile. "It's nothing, Wei-xiong," he says, voice shaky. "I don't know what I'm talking about. You get a little intimidating sometimes, that all. It's not the same."
He rises, eyes lowered as he takes a step toward the door. Maybe Wuxian will just let him leave and Huaisang can somehow manage to erase all of this.
<3
Wuxian considers Huaisang a kind person as well so he assumed Huaisang had understood why Wuxian had to go rogue, but if he really sees him like he sees Xue Yang, maybe he was wrong.
"If I didn't stand up to everyone else, they would have continued to hurt people who couldn't defend themselves. I only wanted to defend the people who deserved to be defended. I don't think you would have disagreed. You were never my enemy."
He doesn't believe Huaisang really changed his mind in that moment so much as he's wanting the topic to drop.
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Drawing out his fan, Huaisang clenches his hands around it. He will not meet Wuxian's eyes. "You... killed thousands of cultivators at Nightless City. And the Wens in the Sunshot Campaign. I heard that you tortured Wen Chao to death. And his girlfriend. They say that at Nightless City, a teenager shot an arrow at you and you caught it and killed him with it. I know there are reasons for all those things. It's still terrifying."
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He regrets it came to that. He regrets the Wens had to die, that they couldn't have just finished their life in peace. If he could have gone back, no matter how excited he'd been to see his nephew, he would have sent his love to his sister instead. It isn't his fault he'd been ambushed, but that doesn't change the outcome. He'd lost everybody, everything he'd loved.
The Sunshot Campaign had been a war. The most respected of Cultivators were there, fighting alongside him.
As for Wen Chao, while it's true he needed to die, it's also true that revenge had been a huge motivator. After seeing his sect attacked and having them die, after seeing the man he considered a brother suffering so much, after losing his own Golden Core so that his brother could live again, after being grabbed and tortured while they laughed at him, after being forced to survive in a place no one had survived, Wuxian hated them.
Even after that, he protected the Wen sect members that were innocent. Xue Yang spared no one.
"You say you know I have my reasons, but that it's still terrifying."
This had been his fear when they had first met in the room, that Huiasang not understand. Most of the world didn't, most of them tried to paint him as a monster. When he'd greeted him normally, Wuxian assumed his fear was without reason. Maybe that's why he's arguing now: it had felt good to have someone else understand.
"Do those reasons not matter?"
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Sniffling once, Huaisang takes a shaky breath, trying valiantly to hold back tears. "This isn't about the reasons. I'm in no place to offer judgement or forgiveness for either of you. Being able to torture someone to death for whatever reason, however valid, is terrifying. If I..." He swallows again. Shaking badly, he just goes ahead and drops to his knees where he's standing, because he feels like he's going to collapse. He still will not meet his friend's eyes. "If I..." He knows he can't say this without revealing at least some of his hand. Wuxian comes from earlier. He's only just begun solving the puzzle. Huaisang would prefer to let him solve it himself, sot hat Huaisang can stay hidden in the shadows, but this place has already forced Huaisang into greater boldness. He's not going to put great effort into protecting the very secrets he wants Wuxian to discover. "If I had my brother's murderer in a cell of the Nie dungeons... yes. I think I would torture him to death. Perhaps over the course of years. That terrifies me, too. To know myself capable of such a thing."
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They have access to the Up?
[Lan Wangji is always curious what's in the Up. That part of the city is barred to them.]
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That's why Lan Zhan's feelings mean so much. He alone seems to understand the heart that was behind it all.
But Huaisang still speaks with him. That's more than some. Wuxian will need to absorb the blow and accept things as they are. Huaisang is afraid of him. Probably, he won't always be. Also, even more probable, he's probably not scared of him more than he is scared of him. He'd come to his apartment today.
The same is true for Xue Yang, Wuxian supposes, but he'd come here to explain because he doesn't want that relationship to interfere with their friendship. It's not as if he couldn't have said it wasn't any of his business and shrugged him off. If anything, Huaisang has more power in this city. Even now, while saying he's terrified, he seems more terrified of Wuxian not understanding.
Wuxian doesn't understand. Even now, he doesn't see himself the same way he sees Xue Yang. That said, he isn't going to hate his friend for that choice. Huaisang isn't going to encourage the man to murder.
While not missing the comment about his brother, Wuxian doesn't think now is the time to explore that line of questioning. Instead, he smiles.
"It's okay, it's okay. Come on, stand up. We both might have things to pray about, but our ancestors wouldn't want to hear from us from here."
Shifting his hold, Wuxian puts an arm around Huaisang's shoulders to help him up.
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He still regrets the entire topic. For Huaisang, love and fear are not exclusive things, but he doesn't know how to explain that. He has never feared anyone more than Mingjue, especially as the leash on his brother's temper became more tenuous, but he has never loved anyone as fiercely.
His relationship with Wuxian is something else, something alike only to itself, and his relationship with Xue Yang also. It's too new for him to be certain of anything but that Xue Yang charmed him and showed him more than enough sweetness to ensure that Huaisang craved his company.
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Perhaps Yu Ziyuan counts in that he feared her, but he didn't hate her. However, he also knew she would hurt him given the chance. Not that he blames her for the whipping, but.
"What kind of decision would that be?"
Wuxian offers a pat on the back. He really didn't want to make Huasaing sad. Likewise, he knows his friend hadn't meant it as an attack when he admitted his fear. It's painful, but that hadn't been Huasaing's intention. That helps.
"I still question your taste in men, but I won't be angry as long as you don't let yourself be corrupted."
He won't. Wuxian believes in him which is why he's more worried for Huaisang than about Huaisang.
"Be sure to remind him that a mark or collar won't be enough to assure I get revenge if he does something wrong."
Submissive or no, rules are more like suggestions to Wuxian.
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Kissing his friend's cheek, he pulls away. "Are you allowed in the Up if you're escorted? I'll take you for drinks."
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[ He isn't going to forget that one very soon. ]
They're Dominants so they're allowed up.
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Wuxian laughs. Things don't have to be perfect between them for things to be good.
"Mhm. That's when we're allowed up. They won't even let us on the elevators with that, even though I was very nice in how I asked."
And sometimes, just tried to sneak on.
"But since you are, we can go."
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You should sleep. I don't mean to keep you up. Unless you want to join me in my apartment tonight.
[He hopes he'll join him again. Still staying in the same motel, just different floors and rooms.]